Wednesday, February 9, 2011

This week (from Nancy)

Thanks to all of you for calling me, and visiting me, and donating blood for me.  I like it when the blood comes with a red tag, and it says "designated donor", so I know it's from you.  That always makes me feel very held and connected.

For the most part, I've sailed through the second, heavier round of chemo without any problems.  I've been a bit more tired than usual. The doctors are all very pleased with my progress, I've become the boring patient on the floor.  If all goes as planned, I'm in remission for a few months, and will be going home in about two weeks to recover, get back into my life.  The stem cell transplant should happen sometime around April. 

Yesterday I was a model patient for a photo shoot for UCSF.  They are introducing new uniforms, and they wanted pictures of nurses in the uniforms with a patient.  I was miss fashionista, with my scarves and pajamas.

It's been a bitter sweet week, as Vangie's funeral was on Monday.  I was able to hear the service, thanks to Tom, and I was able to help organize the reception afterwards.   A lot of family friends that were here for the service visited me yesterday.

I've liked the time to listen to music, in many ways it's like going into retreat space.  There's this whole thing about feeling both connected and disconnected.  I've had the opportunity to connect with friends I haven't seen in a long time, and I've had time to talk with them.  I also feel like life is happening around me, and I'm missing out.  I don't feel as vital, I miss working.  There is something about stillness and contemplation, attachment and unattachment.  It's pretty easy to give up all your physical belongings, it's easier than I thought.  For the most part, this little room has been home, and I'm pretty comfortable in it.  I think I miss engaging with nature most of all.

With love, gratitude, and an open heart,

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