I just picked up the message that Nancy will be cremated today at noon. Another step in her journey, and ours.
Tara has many forms in buddhism, and Lama Palden believes that Nancy has an affinity for White Tara, not the more commonly invoked Green Tara. Oddly enough, the first thankga I was ever attracted to, and meditated upon, is a white Tara image. I don't know if the image will be helpful for all of you, but I've attached one to this note, so you can see the visualization I'm working with. I also have a print on her altar.
Nancy comes into my meditations very clearly. It's as though we are sitting together, connected as we did early in our relationship, even having some of the dialog we've needed to have. I've never had such a strong sense of someone's spirit after they have passed. It is reassuring, and also helping me get out of the house, and start to take care of some of the things I have to. Today I went to the regular Wednesday morning session at Spirit Rock (vipassana buddhist center nearby) and really liked being in the practice there. This afternoon I will be picking up Nancy's death certificate, so I can start some of the legal activity necessary. And I have a call from work that I think I have the capacity to answer now. I plan to take another week off before returning, but I also owe it to my co-workers to help them keep the fires under control :-)
I so love being in our home alone. What a gift, that we built this lovely place together. I've only had one visitor since late October when she entered the hospital, and I think I'm finally ready to spend more time with our friends.
Nancy's remains will be transformed to ashes shortly. Again, please hold her in your heart.